Granny Bashing.

I, yes I, have become the victim of Granny Bashing. It is not (before you recoil in horror) the practice of delinquent teens, who go around beating up old grannies. It is in fact the  practice of nagging grandmothers. As you know I am as it stands unemployed and for various reasons I am, have been, unemployed since June (this year). This is a fact that I have not been worried about and will be addressing. IN MY OWN WAY, on my own terms. This is something that over bearing grandmother Number 1 can not comprehend. She will pester and ask me why I have no job, in the morning, and then after lunch, oh and if i’m really lucky over the supper table.  My mother is left trying desperately to change the subject, my father looks constipated as he restrains his very blatant wish to join in on the attack, and I have to play “catch me if you can” with my own hand, before it grabs the plate of stew and flings it in her face. SHUTUP, shut up, shut up!

I freely admit that I do not help myself half the time, that there have been many occasions this week where I could have got on with the search, but I didn’t. To be fair I haven’t been doing nothing, I did research some jobs today and I started updating my CV. Which I have to say is the most boring and hateful job. I found myself googeling “Graduate CV templates”, the trouble was each and every one was different, and they all insisted their way was the best way. So I was left looking left to right and being none the wiser. I eventually got to the stage where I couldn’t do it anymore and I started typing frantically things I didn’t mean, like, “If you don’t hire me I will come to your house and sing the whole of James Blunts album to you repeatedly, until you are forced to change your mind” or “my hobbies include dressing up as Miss. Marple and mowing the lawn”….in short I went a little crazy. So I stopped; and today has been filled with guilt about this CV that I really need to finish. Sadly you can’t apply for jobs when you haven’t got your CV sorted. Bummer. So why don’t I just get on with it. Well, does it sound silly if I say I think I’m scared? You can’t fail at something if you haven’t tried. Once you commit to it, once I have finished my CV and start putting it out there, there is a very real chance It will be rejected or not even noticed and that would suck, (and the Granny Bashing would never end!) I know it’s stupid because what is blatantly obvious is that, you can’t get a job if you don’t pull yourself together; get off that sofa, get inspired, finish that CV, have confidence in what you’ve written and go get dat joooooooob, (what ever it may be).

So, hopefully by the next time I write I will have got it done and I won’t have murdered my nagging granny.

What to do with Dodo…?

I don’t know is the answer. I am at this moment sat in my parents kitchen listening to the sound of “Sam” the grandfather clock tick, it seems far too loudly, as if he’s trying his hardest to sound like the cliched ticking time bomb that is my life. I’m twenty three just out of university trying to figure out my next move. Don’t worry I did come out with a good degree so this is not a disaster story (yet, there is time for that) but just the beginning of a yet unknown story. What to do and where to go. Somewhere, somewhere fabulous…I just don’t know where yet.

I am someone who loves to do a lot of things, I have a lot of hobbies and many avenues that I could explore career wise (in the creative sector I mean) NOT MATHS, that is definitely something I can not do. I come out in hot sweats, go bright red in the face, and have been known to cry…please don’t judge me.  Moving on, where was I? Ah yes career, ooo such a sexy word. You can almost feel the power rippling off it. It conjures up images of a woman who emanates confidence, strength, control and vitality.

Side note: at the moment I could not feel any further away from these four things. I am half dead with a cold, walking around like a mucus spraying gremlin covered in two many layers with an invisible elephant sitting on my head.

Anyhoo that is what I aspire to do, to become that woman. To find a little place in the world for me where I can own who I am, what I do, and what I bring to the table. I don’t mean waitressing. We have all been there and done that, and we have found it wanting. I want more. Alright DoDo you say , those are big words coming from a very snotty mutant, how exactly do you plan to do this? Well my friend…I’m still working on that. The plan so far it seems is to first get better, I can’t very well go hound people asking for a job in this state, “Here hire me, the mucus is free”. How can I shake someone’s hand knowing full well that I’d be gifting them a 1000 strong army of little germies to go and play havoc with their immune system? No I couldn’t, I wouldn’t wish my invisible elephant on anyone.

But I will soon be hitting up the local job agency, sending out my CV to everyone who wants it, and everyone else who doesn’t. The world says that when one door closes another opens, but I haven’t even got the first one open yet. So, cheers to that, i’ll use a crow bar if I have to.

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London BaBy: The Next Chapter.

  Well well well. After some stressful weeks deciding the next step of my life…There was only one conclusion.  To go back a step and retake two subjects. POO!  Although the thought of doing it all over again fills me with utter dread, it has its upsides.  For one i will not be residing in a teeny weeny town in the countryside, whose population mostly consists of O.A.Ps.  I am going to LONDON.  I know probably not the best place to concentrate on boosting your grades.  But after my dad refused to send me back to school (cos it certainly didn’t do me any favours the first time) London was it.

  So yes i am hugely excited and have just packed the car to the point where the wheels are in danger of falling off and the doors having to be tied shut.  I assure you it is all necessary! Right down to the bottle of wine stuffed down the back of the seat. 
  It is then i realise i am to be living on less than nothing.  I can’t even afford the trusty bakedbean.  Even the Nuns wouldn’t have me though beleive me, my parents tried, so much for charity they charge a fortune for a prison cell.  (The 9:00 curfew was free..)
    So i am now renting a box room. Yes it is actually a box room, but this one unlike any of the prison cells i had at school, has a window that actually lets the light in!  I may feel slightly less chipper about this when i experience sleeping in it without curtains.
Having said all this i remain positive.
Look out for Updates on how living in London goes with nill Dosh and a mountain of work (that earns me no money).  Loving Life.
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Waitress Service; Strip Tease Not included.

  I just earnt the easiest £30 ever. No, i know what your thinking, i did not in anyway have to get naked.  But i did have to act waitress at some, very random guys house party.  Weird huh?  Well i thought this too, however his reasoning was that he didn’t want to spend his whole evening in the kitchen.  Fair enough.  All i had to do was cook some horrible canapes from Iceland, refill drinks, and stuff people with food.  All pretty easy.  Made even easier by the fact that the guys were HAWT! so i didn’t mind sitting on their laps and dangling grapes into their sumptuous open lips….HA yes i wish, this was what i was thinking about as i washed up the hundreth shot glass.

  Only awkward moment was when mum arrived at the door to pick me up. AGH i have never felt so embarrassed i had been telepathically transmitting “Please wait in the car Mother” messages all evening..to no avail.  I was so embarrassed (which in hindsight was hugely silly) i grabbed my coat, yelled by to everyone, and ran out the house.  Now thinking about it, it was probably me who made the situation worse.  Seriously considering sending a sheepish text to the guy tomorrow apologising for my sudden sprint out the door.

  The only thing that i can thank her prompt arrival for, is that earlier that evening the guys had joked that my £30 included a strip tease at 10:30.  It was that awkward moment where you agree (jokely) rather too enthusiastically, and you see the look on their faces and you think “OH Fuck, oh no, not seriously, oh god” and you quickly down another jager bomb, smile, and run away, tongue tied in panic.

But to be perfectly honest i would do it all again, so if anyone needs a waitress you know who to call.  But i’m just gunna clarify a strip tease is NOT included!  (you’d have to pay me a lot more and supply me many many many shots… then who knows 😉

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When i’m not a paying customer.

Finally a place where i can access my blog.  This place just so happens to be a bed and breakfast.  Not just any bed and breakfast but one that also happens to belong to my friend.  I’m not gunna lie i am finding it slightly awkward.  I am only allowed to use certain loos at certain times of the day, noise is kept to an absolute minimum and on top of that all the doors look exactly the same, so i am in huge danger of climbing into some other guests bed by accident.  I am tip toeing around in fear of doing something wrong.

The other thing that is slightly awkward, is that my friends mum is one of those mothers that makes her daughter  work allll the time.  After getting back from  a (forced) long walk in the rain, she then says “Right i think you should do some work now don’t you!?”  (this isn’t a question however).  My friend has found it easier to simply say “yes” then go hide in her room watching “Vampire Diaries”….i am fine with this although i feel petrified of being found out, which is completely stupid.  And anyway what is she on, first of all its a weekend and second of all, surely it would be rude for my friend to choose her books over her guest…right? Yes i thought so to.  Never the less after one episode of vamps i have retreated to my room to cower…if she comes in the answer is “research”.  Which i have to say is partly true because i have taken it upon myself to google pins and needles.  After so long experiencing  this annoying pain i have decided to find out why and what this irrelevant suffering is!  I’ll let you know when i find out.  Unless anyone is knowledgeable  enough to tell me…?

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A Series Of Awkward Events:

It has been too longggg! But only because the stupid institution I attend has decided to block WordPress for some irritating and irrelevant reason!

And you have all missed out on so much I have wanted to tell you.

First of all this post is not called “a series of awkward events” for nothing.
Basically I had the annoying experience of having to text my boyfriend who had not contacted me at all over the holidays (I already was feeling insecure, because that’s not normal behaviour for a boyfriend is it? NO) anyway he didn’t reply to my text for the second time.. It caused me tremendous angst…
and it was three days later that I found out I had sent the text to wrong flipping number! I mean honestly shoot me no wonder I had no reply. I honestly am my own worst enemy.
Anyway he still has not spoken to me the COWARD, after I sent him another text a week later saying look I don’t really understand why your ignoring me but if you want out you just tell me, as I’m not the kind of person to chuck tomatoes at you, so don’t be a pussy….upshot he obviously IS! Which is annoying because I thought he was better than that. On the brighter side of life I can now daydream about his gorgeous friends without feeling guilty tehe.

2nd awkward thing…. I am short sighted! that in itself is fine but it is when I don’t recognise people until they are virtually upon me that I find awkward. Especially when they start talking to you from about 100 yards away…I try in vain to carry on the conversation even though I have no idea who they are. Again I am my own worst problem.
I just pray that does not happen with the said “COWARD” I need time to prepare, i.e. decide between running away or striding past seductively when I finally am forced into contact with him :L.

3rd awkward moment was due to the lack of time to prepare and unexpected appearance of coward’s fit friend into my line of vision. I didn’t realise who it was until he said “Hi DoDo”. I was so shocked/embarrassed all I said was “Hi”. This was not just any “Hi “,….it was about 500 decibels too high…result went hugely red in the face and scurried past (pretend you have somewhere important to go DoDo). In hind sight I should have been really cool and casually stopped for a chat then he would have reported back to the said “COWARD” and been like “Dude your EX is so cool and sexy I mean why you not tapping that ass?”…or something along those flattering lines…But oh no life goes on, or rather DoDo goes on.

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Hey I Heard you were the “WoW” One..

So yesterday i was on a mission for THE dress.  The one i would wear for the end of year dinner,dance, ball..thing.  The dress code is formal everyone in floor length.  There has even been a facebook group made so people can post their dress, so that there is no awkward moment when five of us turn up in a dress from topshop.
I suppose it was quite sensible but it just seemed a little anal and silly to me.  Though it does mean i get to have a sneek peek at everyones dresses.  They are all stunning! but pretty much identical.  The whole chiffon strapless tight over the boobs then floaty look.  I don’t like looking like everyone else for one, and secondly can’t afford them anyway, these dresses were about £2oo.

So I had decided to make mine…don’t worry i can sew so it wasn’t a huge leap of faith..well i suppose that is debateable.  Anyway to be sure i scoured the vintage shops first, and instantly found some gorgeous dresses but they just didnt make me go “wow” this is it.  They looked gorgeous but still.

So i carried on  and saw a dress in the window of a bricabrac shop, tried it on, was nice but nothing special and i was looking around this tatty rail at the back and pulled out this sea green silk dress.  I love this colour and i have a habit of wearing it beacause it enhances my face, so i put it over my arm and decided to try it on.  I didn’t think it was the one but every dress you try on gets you closer to knowing what you do want.  I put it on and yes the “WOW” was there, yaaaaayyy!!

It is 1950’s style, tight round the boobs and waist then has beaded pink flowers over the bust and straps, with a full skirt.  I should have known it was the one because as soon as i took it off the rail i heard a “Phwar i’d date you in that” from the old man behind me.  Queue the awkward giggle and embarrassed blush.  Of course the acid test was the twirl….and the twirl was amazing! I felt like Cinderella.  It has one of those skirts that flings out wide and floaty when you spin and makes you feel like your in a cheezy advert for brilliant white teeth and L’Oreal hair.

Oh and the best part when I went and asked the woman how much, expecting to be disappointed with the price, she turns round and says “Oh isn’t it gorgeous I have had it for years but it must have been waiting for the right person, its £45 but you can have it for £30″…….WHAT!?!?  It was amazing I have never felt so chuffed with myself . Tehe!

Sooo… this morning was spent parading around my bedroom in my gorgeous dress  striking poses in the mirror and dancing embarrassingly to cheezy music.  Loving Life!
A tip for you all, you never know until you have tried it on, and it is never time wasted whatever the outcome.

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To Drive, Or Not to Drive.

   Today was a new day in which i failed my driving test!  Boo Hoo.  I have never felt so pissed.  I was so close the cat was in the bag…and it somehow slipped out just before the end.  Stupid roundabouts, stupid buses, stupid speed limits.  Anyway thats all the grumbeling i am allowing myself, it sucks but who was i kidding it would have been truly a miracle if i had past and i’d rather save those miracles for my A Levels.  Anyway life shall take a turn for the better i am sure, as i indulge in a shopping spree tomorrow, i have been living for this moment all holiday, after either been shut in my room working or in the car driving.

   Other than that i made an event on facebook for a party today….scaryyy i had a horrible feeling, there was no turning back.  What if its a flop, what if no one comes.  BUt i didnt need to worry, i have a grand total of one boy and four girls so far woooo its going to be ace!

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Happy Easter DoDo.

Well although Easter was good i seemed to spend most of it injuring myself.

Firtsly I would just like to say that all beds should be made with rounded corners, in fact no corners at all!  How many times have i skinned my hips on them?  Far too many! It is the most pathetic but most painful injury EVER i swear.

The next injury inducing incident, was one that made me feel truly senile…(and i have not even made my twenties).  You know that situation when you “slip on a banana skin”, well i basically did that whilst stepping into the shower.  Fortunately, i was able to maintain the wind mill phase (arms spinning whilst balancing on one leg) trying not to land in a deathly naked heap on the floor.  Athough i did not break my neck i fear i did suffer a minor heart attack!

Having the grandmother and the boyfriend to stay was…fine.  I managed to stay perfectly polite and only gave one rather shirty remark over the supper table when said boyfriend refused to accept that he was wrong.  The argument had lasted long enough and he was trying to win a lost battle as the rest of the family opposed him.  Still he continued in vain just to be annoying.  He succeeded.
He caused no other trouble though apart from rendering me half deaf by listening to the television so loudly it got to the point where i was physically cringing in my seat and the dog ran out the room.  I nearly cried when i heard “I can’t hear a thing, louder! turn the volume up!”

The only thing that terrifies me more is the thought that one day that could be me!

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DoDo: Enters Stage

HEllooo!  so, there isn’t really a reason for starting this blog I suppose it was one of those exciting whims.  I am now feeling a little worried I’ll get booed off-screen.  I am basically going to document the ups, downs and side to sides of life as Dodo…that’s me by the way.  I love photography, music, and writing so expect to see lots of all the above (providing I get to grips with the technicalities of the computer, I know I’m supposed to be a wizz because I grew up with it all but, most of the time the computer frustrates me so much I’d rather put my foot through it than rely on it…

Well anyway where to begin.  Yesterday I drove into a telegraph pole.  It’s all right people  I am still a learner not some mad old lady that can’t see out of her rear view mirror.   I was trying out a three point turn…and there was a  small matter of me getting the break and accelerator confused ( i am sure this happens all the time).  The parents were actually quite understanding…not so much  when they saw the dent and couldn’t close the boot after forcing it open (which in hindsight would have probably been better left closed).  So if you see a grubby white fiesta careering down the motorway with its boot flapping that’s me!

As for today it is the day before Easter!  No i didn’t give up chocolate, doesn’t mean I’m not, if not as more excited than ever.  I didn’t give up anything actually which is probably very bad form but there’s always next year…

The family is nervously awaiting the arrival of the grandmother plus boyfriend ugh! Queue sibling arguments over who’s turn it is to go and entertain, and make polite, awful conversation that just gets repeated over and over ( either because they can’t remember or can’t hear you).

Wish me luck
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